Opposition

In God in the Dock, C.S. Lewis wrote:

It is extraordinary how inconvenient to your family it becomes for you to get up early to go to Church. It doesn’t matter so much if you get up early for anything else, but if you get up early to go to Church it’s very selfish of you and you upset the house.

I'm facing this now. To back up a bit, my daughter and I frequently argue over my doing ANYTHING that does not involve taking her where she wants to go and doing what she wants to do, so her opposition to my going to church is - in one way - simply more of the same. She also deeply resents time I spend walking and working and sleeping and reading and well, you get the message. Yet, call me stupid (I do frequently), I was surprised by her outburst today that it was unfair that she would have to ask Nan to take her to the ranch when I was perfectly capable of driving her - not later, after church, but earlier, when she wanted to go.

If it were not for my Lenten promise, I'd probably fold now, resentful and muttering under my breath like Yosemite Sam about how I NEVER get to do what I want - all the time knowing that it's my own fault for not standing my ground. But I DID make a Lenten promise. I told her I was able and happy to take her to the ranch when it was convenient for me and that she could certainly get the house clean and do everything else she wanted to do on Sunday. In fact, cleaning house while I was at church would work very well for all all concerned because I knew better than to ask her to go to church. She expressed satisfaction that I knew better because church was a big waste of time. As is, by the way, writing blogs ;)

It occurs to me that while I wrote about resentment being a bad thing earlier this week, perhaps it might also, like guilt, alert me to when I am not living my life as I should. Maybe even negative emotions have a positive use.